Lube has been around for over a century; I am not kidding – the first non-sterile version of lube was on the shelves in 1904 but there has been written evidence which dates all the way back to 350 B.C! Don’t get me wrong, it was not the luxury lubricants we are used to today but even our Greek ancestors back then knew that ‘the wetter the better’. Despite this, we are still not very good at talking about the wonders of our slippery friend.
People with vaginas and their partners seem to be very late to the lube party. Our men-loving-men friends have been reaping the benefits for years and yet we seem to only be getting the invite now, but better late than never people!
If you’re not wet, you’re not interested…
There is still lots of stigma associated with using lube in the bedroom. It is often seen as someone ‘failing’ to get wet or not being turned on enough to have sex, but this just isn’t the case. For many people with vaginas, despite feeling super horny in our brains, our bodies can take a lot longer than just the action beginning to get the memo.
Not only that, but every person is different – some of us produce lots of vaginal fluids during sex and some of us just do not. We do not have to deal with friction burns and discomfort during sex when we have an artificial assistant waiting on hand to make our sexual encounters even better.
What type of lube?
Now, if you are dipping your toe into the lube world for the first time (welcome, it is a fun club!) then you might feel overwhelmed with the amount of variation there is to choose from – water-based, silicone-based or oil-based? It can be a bit tricky to navigate through every flavour, colour & type of lube but there are some basic rules that can help you choose.
Water-based lube is a good starting point for most people
It’s versatile and can really be used for most activities you could think of, even if you are using silicone sex toys in the bedroom and it is safe to use with condoms too – win-win!
If you have sensitive skin or just a sensitive vagina then a silicone-based lube might be the one for you
It is hypoallergenic, and because of this, most folks will not experience a reaction (but, this cannot be said for everyone). It is also long-lasting and does not need reapplied as often as your typical water-based lubes do.
Silicone-based is safe for use with condoms and shower sex too, as unlike water-based lube it will not be washed away so silicone-based is an essential for your steamy Saturday night fun!
A downside, however, is that silicone-based lube can deteriorate the surface of silicone toys which can create a breeding ground for bacteria (and no-one wants that). So either pop a condom on your silicone toys or use a water-based lube if you can.
If you are a one-time applier and you do not fancy reaching for the bottle once things get hot and heavy, then oil-based lube will truly be a godsend.
Not only good for genitals – oil-based lube can double as massage oil if you fancy some neck-kneading foreplay!
However, as super long lasting as oil-lubes can be, they come with a few more downsides than either water or silicone-based lubes; they can trap infection; increasing your risk of bacterial vaginosis; they are more likely to stain expensive bed sheets; they also – increase the chances of a ripped condom – which really negates the point in wearing them. So stay away if there is going to be a latex condom mixing with the lubricant.
Oh, what an orgasm!
Sexologists have been telling us for as long as they could that lube is capable of making sex more satisfying: from smoothing out every stroke (if playing with a penis or insertable toy is your thing) to increasing confidence levels in your partner. Lube is the key, and I’ve got the secret – use it!
Lubrication can help create the perfect situation for a long session – I’m not dissing a good quickie, we all love them, but a hot and heavy, ‘god is it that time already’ session can be the stress relief we need after a long week at work. That, and it’s certainly more enjoyable without the friction burns that nobody wants.
It is a common misconception that lube is useful only for getting down to the main event, but this just is not the case at all. Lube is also an excellent addition to the traditional foreplay routines.
Massage: Massage is an amazing foreplay tool, and oil-based lubes can double as massage oil which is even more of a reason to work your fingers into those tense shoulder muscles….
Fingering: As a womxn with a vagina, I am well versed in the exciting world of fingering, but I’ve also had some terrible experiences at the hands of people who were too cocksure that I was wet enough to be played with – and that just wasn’t the case. Lube can make the whole process a lot simpler, smoother and enjoyable. Who doesn’t want that? Not only applicable for vaginal play, lube is absolutely a must if anal play is involved – unlike the vagina, the anus produces absolutely zero lubrication, so lube is a necessity rather than a luxury here.
Clitoral Play: Whether with your hands, toys or wands, clitoral play is absolutely more enjoyable with a little bit of lube. Not only that but getting some lube on can be just as important a part of play as the clitoral stimulation itself. You could put it on yourself, warm it up and tease your partner or have them apply it for you. Lube can be sexy once we detach all that stigma that is holding us back!
Handjobs: If you like to play with a partner with a penis then why not invite them into the not-so-secretive world of lube? It can make touches feel more sensitive and allow for faster play without the side-effects of pain and irritation.
Sex over stigma!
Let us face it, lube is great and there are so many variations to try that I am assured there is something for everyone’s liking. As sexy as the lingerie on the floor is the lube bottle on the nightstand. It is time to end the stigma, one sexy session at a time.